You gave them your best hours. Your best years. You smiled through the reorgs,
the "exciting new directions," and the all-hands where they announced
your job was now a "growth opportunity" for someone in a lower cost market.
It's time the herd got something back.
You didn't choose this life. The herd chose you. Somewhere between your second unpaid overtime and your fourth "let's circle back," you became Wage Cattle. Welcome. We saved you a cubicle.
The company had a headcount. You were a head. The spreadsheet said "human capital." You said "I just want to make a difference." Both were technically true. $HERD exists because someone finally said it out loud. And 961,900 people on X liked it.
"Live. Laugh. Clock In." wasn't irony. It was a survival strategy. You drank the coffee. You joined the standup. You said "sounds good!" when it absolutely did not sound good. That's not weakness. That's the herd.
Getting laid off and then thanking the company on LinkedIn is next level Wage Cattle. We see you. We are you. The herd doesn't judge. The herd understands. The herd buys $HERD instead.
Every dollar that flows through $HERD becomes something real. 95% goes directly to veterans who gave more than any of us ever did in any cubicle, ever. That's not a mission statement. That's the whole point.
Remember your employee ID? Your badge number? The little laminated thing you scanned to enter a building that made the decisions without you? Your $HERD wallet is better. No one owns it but you.
Contract renounced. Liquidity locked. No insiders. No VCs. No preferred allocations for people who already have enough. Just the herd. Moving together. Finally getting something back.
This is not a website section. This is your official corporate domestication experience. Complete all three modules to receive absolutely no raise, no promotion, and one deeply accurate employee diagnosis.
Receive your official Wage Cattle badge. Please do not personalize it. Individuality has been deprecated.
Answer three legally non-binding questions. HR already knows the answer, but procedure is procedure.
Your manager says “quick sync.” You assume it will last...
You get a layoff email. Your LinkedIn post begins...
Your response to unpaid overtime is...
Your results may be used for internal morale dashboards no one asked for.
Submit your concerns. Receive a response carefully engineered to acknowledge nothing and resolve less.
Thank you for your feedback. Please submit a complaint to begin the invalidation process.
Screenshot your badge, roast your workplace, and send another cow into the herd. 95% of earnings go to Gary Sinise Foundation supporting U.S. veterans and first responders.
Struck in the image of the Wage Cattle — suit pressed, tie straight, coffee mug in hand, dead behind the eyes, showing up anyway. Around the rim: WAGE CATTLE across the top. $HERD across the bottom. Twelve stars for twelve-hour days. And engraved quietly beneath the portrait, the only honest thing any financial institution has ever printed: "In Grind We Trust."
The Gary Sinise Foundation builds mortgage-free adapted smart homes
for severely wounded veterans, funds mental health programs,
provides over 1 million meals, and reunites WWII veterans with their history
before it's gone. 4-star Charity Navigator rated.
They gave everything in service. Your grind can give something back.
Effective immediately, you are hereby notified that your best years were exchanged for biweekly deposits, a benefits package with a $6,000 deductible, and the occasional "shoutout in Slack." This trade has been reviewed. It was not in your favor.
Please be advised that $HERD has been established as a corrective action. It is a memecoin. It is also a mirror. It is also, surprisingly, a vehicle for donating 95% of earnings to the Gary Sinise Foundation — an organization that builds homes for veterans who gave considerably more than any of us did in any Q3 planning session.
You are encouraged to participate. Not because synergy demands it. Not because it's an "exciting opportunity." But because the herd, for the first time, is moving somewhere that actually matters.
Action Required: Buy $HERD. Tell a friend. Clock out on your own terms.
Regards,
The Management
(We are also in the herd. There is no management.)
Real sentiments. Fictional names. You've met all of these people.
Thrilled to announce that after 11 incredible years and a surprise
"workforce realignment," I am excited to begin my next chapter!
So grateful for the growth opportunities. Cannot wait to see what's next!
(I am not okay. I bought $HERD.)
Hot take: the best thing that ever happened to me was getting
restructured out of a role where I once sent 47 emails to schedule
a meeting about scheduling meetings.
Now I hold $HERD and 95% goes to veterans. This is my best Q yet.
I used to think my purpose was my job title.
Then my job title became "Legacy Role" and was eliminated.
Turns out my purpose was $HERD all along. The coin that
clocks in for veterans. Sharing in case it helps someone else's journey.
As real as your last performance review. As real as the synergy they promised. As real as 95% of earnings going to the Gary Sinise Foundation to support veterans. Yes. It's real.
A tweet by @neet_sol said "Getting laid off and then thanking the company on LinkedIn is next level wage cattle." It got 961,900 views. Because every single person who saw it has either been that person or watched that person post it. The phrase already existed in all of us. We just gave it a ticker.
Because they're the real deal. 4-star Charity Navigator rating. 90 mortgage-free adapted smart homes built for severely wounded veterans. 1 million meals. 1,600 resiliency workshops. They don't waste your money on admin bloat. They build actual homes for actual heroes. That felt right for a coin built on the backs of people who also showed up every day.
Naturally. HR has placed us on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) for world domination. You can review our Q1-Q4 deliverables in the roadmap section. Attendance at all milestone reviews is mandatory. Also: the veterans. Always the veterans.
It means your Monday through Friday finally earned something beyond a 2% cost-of-living adjustment that didn't cover the actual cost of living. The grind built this country. The grind can rebuild a veteran's life too.
Absolutely. Enthusiastically. Immediately. We suggest listing it under "Volunteering & Causes" with the description: "Supporting veterans through decentralized dark corporate satire." It will confuse your former manager in the best possible way.
We're coming for your portfolio. And 95% of it goes to someone who actually deserves it.